Smile Lines Chocolate A
lovely heart-shaped box of chocolates was received on
Valentine's Day by a young student from her new boyfriend.
On the enclosed card was the inscription; 'To Helen, with
all my allowance." Definition Man of
few words: a husband Three Marriage
has three states: cooing, wedding, billing Choice Shotgun
wedding: A case of wife or death. Next When I
was younger I hated going to weddings. All my aunts would
poke me in the ribs and cackle: 'You're next.' They
stopped that after I started doing the same thing to them
at funerals. Experience "Dad,"
asked little Ted, "what does a man's better half
mean?" Wedding
dress When
my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my
mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for
the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living
room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a
perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes
welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "You're
not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time-honoured
fashion. "You're gaining a son." "Oh,
forget about that!" she said with a sob.
"I used to fit into that dress!" Missing A
friend and his wife were considering travelling to Sunday
school lion A
Sunday school teacher was telling her youngsters about
Daniel and the Lion's Den. To illustrate the lesson she
drew a picture of Daniel standing, brave and confident,
with a group of lions around him. Suddenly, one little
girl started to cry. The teacher said, "Don't cry.
The lions are not going to eat Daniel." Snuffling
back the tears the girl replied: "That's not what
I'm crying about. That little lion, over in the corner,
isn't going to get anything to eat." Boots My
very young daughter and her friend both needed new boots
even though it was late in the season for them. The
friend got in the car one morning finally wearing new
boots. "Beth," I commented, "I see you got
new boots. Where did you get them?" Some
excuses for next time you take a day off work. ~ I've
been stalking my previous boss, who fired me for missing
work. Okay? ~ I
just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I
shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may
now contain false information. ~ I
was seeing my psychiatrist, who said it was an excellent
session. He even gave me a jaw restraint so I won't
bite anyone when I'm startled. ~ The
dog ate my car keys. We had to hitchhike to the vet.
~ I
prefer to remain an enigma. Now you see me, now you don't. ~ I
could not come to work because the Council has determined
that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I
have to arrange for helicopter transportation. ~ I am
converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian. ~ I
refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax.
I insist on paying my fair share. ~ I've
used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead! Father While
the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer,
5, turned to her brother Andy, 3, and pointed to their
dad. "That's not your real father," she said,
startling the whole family. "Yes, he is!"
Andy replied. "No,
he's not," Jennifer insisted. "God is your
heavenly father." Then pointing at her dad, she
said, "That's only your homely father!" Car-ride A
teenager who had just received her provisional licence
offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising
ride, they finally reached their destination. The mother
got out of the car and said in a quiet but fervent voice:
"Thank you!" "Anytime,"
her daughter replied. As the
woman slammed the car door she said, "I wasn't
talking to you. I was talking to God." No
news A
traveller was marooned in a small town because of a
landslide caused by heavy rain. It fell in torrents for
three days. Looking out of the window of the restaurant,
he finally remarked to the waitress: "This is like
the flood." It
is, dear "You
know, dear, John doesn't seem to be as well dressed as he
was when you married him. Daddy Policeman
to man pacing pavement at |