| smile lines Children's
versions of Bible stories and events have a charm all
their own. The following efforts have not been retouched
or corrected (i.e. bad spelling has been left in). Adam
and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah
built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears. Lot's
wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by
night. The
Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards,
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
ammendments. Samson
slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. Observations
on Family life Nowadays
the voice crying in the wilderness is just a teenager
with a radio. The
little young lady of the house, by way of punishment for
some minor misdemeanour, was compelled to eat her dinner
alone at a small table in a corner of the dining room.
The rest of the family paid no attention to her presence
until they heard her audibly praying over her repast with
the words: "Thank you Lord, for preparing a table
before me in the presence of mine enemies." The
old woman had been going on a bit, so when she asked:
'Have I ever told you about my lovely grandchildren?' one
of the listeners replied, 'No - and may I say how truly
grateful we are that you haven't?' Observations
on Faith - or lack of it They
have all sorts of new services today. Now they've got a
dial-a-prayer service for atheists. You call a number and
nobody answers. Thank
God I'm an atheist. Luis Bunuel I
was an atheist until I realised I was God. anon Where
to send your vicar The vicar
went to Israel, the church felt it was right We bought his
ticket, booked his seat, and put him on the flight. Now Sundays
we have sermons on Jerusalem and Dan Archaeology,
the Dead Sea Scrolls, and Palaeolithic man. We think
we've learned our lesson, and have nothing more to fear 'Cos we are
sending him to Brighton for his holiday this year. Anon The
late Archbishop Temple once related this story: One
morning in a house where he was guest, he heard from the
kitchen a voice singing with great gusto, 'Nearer My God
to Thee'. He reflected on the piety of the woman who went
about her morning tasks to the strains of the noble hymn,
and so spoke of it to his host. Some
of life's little questions If
you try to fail and succeed, what have you done? How
is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a bonfire? Why
is the time when the traffic is slowest called rush-hour?
If
you run backwards will you gain weight? If
Barbie is so popular, why do you need to buy her friends?
What
happens when you get scared half-to-death twice? |