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Where do cricket bats come from? Recipe for Mum's and Toddlers Flapjacks What about mothers, then? What helps keep couples together? Get it off your waist
Where do cricket bats come from?
We see them, off and on, all summer: cricket bats. But ever wonder how they are made?
1. The timber is selected Mature willow, aged 15 to 30, is most suitable. Each tree supplies on average enough wood for 30 bats.
2. The clefts are prepared The timber is cut into rounds and the clefts split out. Each cleft is then rough sawn, and waxed at the ends. The wax stops quick moisture loss from the end grain, which could cause cracks. The clefts are then air or kiln dried.
3. The clefts are shaped Next, the cleft is cut into the basic blade shape. The craftsman must decide which end is best for the handle, and make sure the 'sweet spot', the springiest part of the bat, is located in the centre. This will ensure maximum reward for a well-struck shot.
4. Pressing the blade Now the willow fibres are compressed. This will strengthen the timber to withstand the impact of the ball. This 'pressing' is a delicate balance between hardening the willow for strength and leaving the blade soft enough to play well.
5. The handle is fitted The handle, a laminated construction of cane and rubber strips (treble strung), is precisely spliced into the blade of the bat. The handle is set slightly forward for a perfect pick up. It is secured using a water-resistant wood glue.
6 . Hand shaping Pulling off the willow with the drawn knife shapes the blade. The coarse cuts of the draw knife are smoothed using wooden planes. The shoulders are seamlessly blended with the spoke-shave. Once shaped, the bat is coarse and fine sanded.
7. Minding, polishing and labelling The bat is then mounted in a lathe, which is controlled via a foot treadle, and the handle bound using twine. The handle is brushed with glue and whipped with the twine, which adds strength at the tope of the splice and throughout the length of the handle. The blade is then finely burnished, using a compound wax that polished and flattens the wood, leaving a satin finish. Finally, English grips are fitted to the handle and labels applied.
Recipe for Mum's and Toddlers Flapjacks
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven. Grease a shallow 19cm square tin. Remove teddy bear from oven again and say: "No, no." Cream the butter. Take butter tub away from toddler and wipe down the cupboard doors. Mix together the sugar and oats and gradually work into the creamed butter, until thoroughly blended. Remove small plastic dinosaur from mixture. Take the butter tub away from toddler again and wipe down the cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches. Glare back at cat. Remove crayons from prepared tin and replace with flapjack mixture. Press this evenly into the prepared tin with a round-bladed knife. Open the oven, retrieve the now smouldering teddy bear, and open windows and doors for ventilation. Place flapjack mixture in the oven, and reassure anxious neighbour that house is not on fire. Bake flapjack mixture at 220 degrees mark 7 for about 15 minutes, until golden brown. While flapjacks are baking, conduct swift neighbourhood search for toddler, who disappeared out the door when anxious neighbour came in. Lift toddler out of muddy puddle next door. Take toddler home, and on way through kitchen towards bathroom, switch off oven. By the time the toddler has been bathed and changed, the flapjacks will be cool and ready to eat. This is a good time to discuss with your toddler about why the tub of oats would have been better left alone, and not sprinkled around the living room carpet in a pleasing pattern.
What about mothers, then?
The following are answers given by young school-age children to the given questions:
Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the scissors are. 2. Think about it. It was the best way to get more people. 3. Mostly to clean the house. 4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my mum just the same like He made me. He just used bigger parts.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mum? 1. We are related. 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.
What ingredients are mothers made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
What kind of little girl was your mum? 1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff. 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 3. They say she used to be nice.
How did your mum meet your dad? 1. Mum was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.
What did your mum need to know about dad before she married him? 1. His last name. 2. She had to know his background. Like, is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least £15,000 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mum marry your dad? 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mum eats a lot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My gran says that mum didn't have her thinking cap on.
What makes a real woman? 1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
Who's the boss at your house? 1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad is such a pratt. 2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
What's the difference between mums and dads? 1. Mums work at work and work at home, and dads just work at work. 2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3. Dads are taller and stronger, but mums have all the real power, because that's who you have to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
What does your mum do in her spare time? 1. Mothers don't have spare time. 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What's the difference between mums and grandmas? 1. About 30 years. 2. You can always count on grandmothers for money for sweets Sometimes mums don't even have money on them.
Describe the world's greatest mum 1. She would be able to make broccoli taste like ice cream. 2. The greatest mum in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts. 3. She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is anything about your mum perfect? 1. Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist. 2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them. 3. Just her children.
What would it take to make your mum perfect? 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mum, what would it be? 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make my mum smarter -- then she would know my sister did it and not me.
What helps keep couples together?
Couples who can laugh together, can usually last together, according to recent research. So if you and your partner share the same sense of humour, your relationship has a very strong chance of surviving.
In a good relationship, both partners contribute positive elements that help ease the inevitable stresses of life and marriage. Humour plays a key part in this – for it serves an important function in any relationship. The aim of intentional humour is to provoke smiling or laughter – a pleasurable emotional response which makes you feel so much better. If you can give and receive this pleasure from your partner, on a regular instinctive basis, your long-term outlook is good!
Get it off your waist
How much chocolate could you eat if you cycled to the shops rather than took the car? A 15-minute bike ride to and from work five times a week burns off the equivalent of 11 pounds of fat in a year (BUPA 2004).
Coronary heart disease is the biggest killer of adults in this country. Part of the blame is that we drive too much when we could walk or cycle – (From 'A New Deal for Transport', DETR 1998.)
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