Smile
Lines Baptism A
vicar was officiating at the baptism of the youngest son
of a Duke. “What is the baby’s name?”
he enquired. “His name is George Edward David
Anthony Carrington-Smith de Winters Cunningham Digby
Cecil Barrington…” “One moment,
please,” interrupted the vicar, “but could the
butler be asked to fetch another bucket of water!” Numbers When
the minister announced the first hymn, “Ten thousand
times ten thousand!” the little boy turned to his
father and asked, “Does he want us to work that out?” Bike Observing
a missionary on his mountain bike, one cannibal turned to
the other and said, “Oh good! Meals on wheels!” Choir Two
choir members recently got married. They met by
chants. Bishop A
little girl told her mother, “We went to a
confirmation service at the cathedral and I saw the
bishop. Now I know what a crook looks like!” The
lost chapter of Genesis Adam
was wandering around the Garden of Eden, very unhappy and
lonely. So God said: “I will make you a
companion – I’ll make you a woman.” “What
will she do?” asked Adam. And
God said: “This pretty lady will gather food for
you, she will cook for you, and when you discover
clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree
with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when
you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will
bear your children. and she will never ask you to get up
in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will
NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love
whenever you need it. And
Adam asked God, "Wow! What will a woman like this
cost?" God
replied, "An arm and a leg." And
Adam said, "Well, what can I get for a rib?" Of
course, the rest is history… Letter
to God A
Sunday School teacher challenged her children to take
some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God.
They were to bring their letter back the following Sunday. One
little boy wrote, "Dear God, We had a good time at
church today. Wish you could have been there." Good
Samaritan A
Sunday school teacher told her class the story of the
Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and
left for dead. She described the situation in vivid
detail so her students would catch the drama. Then
she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on
the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" Jenny,
a thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I
think I'd vomit!" This
means…that AMEN:
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. RECESSIONAL
HYMN: The last song
at Sunday morning worship, often sung a little more
quietly, since most of the people have already left. JONAH:
The original ‘Jaws’ story SIDESMEN:
The only people in the parish who don't know the seating
capacity of a pew Two
Little Boys After
a heavy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets
and gutters, a young mother watched her two little
boys playing in a puddle outside through her kitchen
window. The older of the two, a five year old
lad, suddenly grabbed his sibling by the back of his head
and shoved his face into the water hole. As
the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the
mother ran into the garden and asked furiously: “Why
on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" "We
were just playing 'church' mummy" he explained,
bewildered. "I was baptizing him in the name
of the Father, the Son, and in the hole-he-goes." A
man had tickets for the Rugby Cup Final. As he sat down,
another man came over and asked if anyone is sitting in
the seat next to him. "No," he says. "The
seat is empty." "This
is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their
right mind would have a seat like this for the Cup Final,
the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?" He
says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My
wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away.
This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to together
since we got married," he said sadly. "Oh
... I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But
couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or
even a neighbour to take the seat?" The
man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral". One
way of putting it… Despite
the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it
remains? Typos
in this magazine Some
of you have noticed a few typos in this magazine now and
then. To improve this for the New Year I am now
using a new set of rules for editing. 1.
Verbs HAS to agree
with their subjects. And
finally… 31.
Proofread carefully to see if
you any words out. |