News
from St Petrified’s Greetings
once more from St Petrified’s. Well,
the festive season has been with us once more, bringing
with it all the traditional yuletide joys. Crowded shops
crammed with frenzied shoppers, all eager to buy presents
that people don't want with money they haven't got. I
have lost count of the pairs of socks and toiletries that
are hidden at the back of my wardrobe. I'm equally sure
that my friends and relatives have similar wardrobes
themselves, each one containing useless presents that I
have given them! Don't
get me wrong, I am not a Scrooge (honestly). I just think
we could do more with our money to genuinely bring some
cheer into peoples' lives. Which is why I eagerly signed
on Rev Keen's list of helpers for the St Petrifieds
Pensioner's Christmas Party. This
was to be held in the Church Hall, with catering by the
Misses Sweet. The curate hoped that everyone would be
given a bumper Christmas Hamper. To this end he asked for
everyone to give generously to ensure that the old folks
would have a really happy Christmas. He'd even
booked not only the Midhampton Comb and Paper Orchestra (always
popular at St Petrifieds), but also persuaded the vicar's
housekeeper, Mrs Tidy, to perform her fire-eating act! The
party itself was a great success. The Church Hall was
packed with pensioners who, after tucking in to a
magnificent spread, finished off, to a sitting ovation,
with a magnificent rendition of Jingle Bells, the bells
being played with extremely small combs and ultra thin,
competition grade, tissue paper. Mrs
Tidy's Fire eating act followed; during which only a
small portion of the hall, and a couple of less agile
pensioners, suffered minor fire damage. The afternoon
ended with each pensioner receiving a magnificent gift-wrapped
Christmas Hamper. Later
that evening I received a frantic phone call from the
curate. Apparently there had been no food in the hampers,
only outrageous socks and scarves! But there had
been a mountain of food donated - I know because I
personally donated several out of date items. So
where had it all gone? The
mystery was solved when we heard that Ronnie and Reggie
McNasty and other members of the Youth Group had been
arrested at a car boot sale in Midhampton for selling
food that had passed its sell-by date. Some of the items
were so old that they had no sell-by date! It also
transpired that the pensioners had been extremely happy
with their hampers because they had alleviated the need
to go out and shop for Christmas presents! |