Smile
Lines A
Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of
the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and
left for dead. She described the situation in vivid
detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she
asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the
roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A
thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence. "I
think I'd be sick." Always
remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. Never
test the depth of the water with both feet. If
you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try
missing a couple of mortgage payments. Before
you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile
away and you have their shoes. If
you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Good
judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that
comes from bad judgement. A
closed mouth gathers no foot. Generally
speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving. A
hangover is the wrath of grapes. When
two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A
couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the
bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with 1 John 4:18
which reads: "There is no fear in love, but perfect
love casts out fear." The
bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread the
noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake
John 4:18: "For you have had five husbands,
and the man you have now is not your husband." My
grandson, Justin, returned from his first time in church
and was asked how it went. He
said, "The music was nice, but the commercial was
too long." He
is a self-made man & worships his creator. - John
Bright Everyone
seems normal until you get to know them. If
God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read
something like this: In
the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The
earth was without form and void, so God created a small
committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-à-vis
race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order
to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination
according to adjudicatory guidelines. Even
God was impressed, and so ended the first day. And
God said, "Let the committee draw up a mission
statement." And behold, the committee decided to
prioritize and strategize and God called that process
empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good. And
evening and morning were the second day. And
God said, "Let the committee determine goals and
objectives and engage in long-term planning."
Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic differences
between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the
third day. Although the question was never satisfactorily
resolved, God thought the process was constructive. And
evening and morning were the third day. And
God said, "Let there be a retreat in which the
committee can envision functional organization and engage
in planning by objectives." The committee considered
adjustment of priorities and consequential alternatives
to programme directions, and God saw that this was good.
And God thought that it was even worth all of the coffee
and doughnuts that he had to supply. And
so ended the fourth day. And
God said, "Let the committee be implemented with
long-range planning and strategy." The committee
considered guidelines and linkages and structural
sensitivities, and alternatives and implemental models.
And God saw that this was very democratic. And
so would have ended the fifth day, except for the
unintentional renewal of the debate about the differences
between goals and objectives. On
the sixth day the committee agreed on criteria for
adjudicatory assessment and evaluation. This wasn't the
agenda that God had planned. He wasn't able to attend,
however, because he had to take the afternoon off to
create day and night and heaven and earth and seas and
plants and stars and trees and seasons and years and sun
and moon and birds and fish and animals and human beings.
On
the seventh day God rested and the committee submitted
its recommendations. It turned out that the recommended
forms for things were nearly identical to the way that
God had created them; so the committee passed a
resolution commending God for his implementation
according to the guidelines. There was, however, some
opinion expressed that people should have been created in
the committee's image. And
God thought long and hard, and ...caused a deep sleep to
fall upon the committee. All
of these sentences actually appeared in church bulletins
or were announced in church services. Some of them
have become 'classics' among church magazine editors. Bertha
Belch, a missionary from The
Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The
sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." Ladies,
don't forget the jumble sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't
forget your husbands. The
peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
cancelled due to a conflict. Remember
in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile
at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to
someone who doesn't care much about you. Don't
let worry kill you off - let the Church help. Miss
Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. For
those of you who have children and don't know it, we have
a nursery downstairs. Next
Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need
all the help they can get. Barbara
remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and
requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. The
Rector will preach his farewell message after which the
choir will sing: Break Forth Into Joy." Irving
Benson and Jessie Carter were married last Saturday in
the church. So ends a friendship that began in their
school days. Eight
new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition
of several new members and to the deterioration of some
older ones. Scouts
are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Please
place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you want remembered. The
church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.... Church
supper Sunday at The
ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They maybe seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This
evening at The
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at The
school will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at Weight
Watchers will meet at A
church council is a gathering of important people who
singly can do nothing, but together can decide that
nothing can be done. Sign
in an old parish church porch to reassure any visitors: In
this church many are cold, but few are frozen. Sign
on the tomb of an atheist: Here lies an
atheist. All dressed up and no place to go. |