Smile Lines The
lottery Two
years ago a man and woman had just won the lottery.
He was at work when the lottery office phoned their home
to inform them of the win. His wife was very
worried because the man had just recovered from a heart
attack and she wondered what would happen if he found out
about it too abruptly. So,
she called the minister and asked if he could talk to the
man and slowly lead into telling him the news. He
agreed and said he would be there as soon as possible. When
the man got home the minister asked if they could go for
a walk. While they were walking the minister began
by asking, "What would you do if you won the
lottery?" The
man replied, "Why, I'd give it all to the church."
The
pastor dropped dead on the spot. Gladys
Dunn Gladys
Dunn was new in town and decided to visit the church
nearest to her new apartment. She appreciated the
pretty sanctuary and the music by the choir, but the
sermon went on and on. Worse, it wasn't very
interesting. Glancing around, she saw many in the
congregation nodding off. Finally it was over.
After the service, she turned to a still sleepy-looking
gentleman next to her, extended her hand and said, "I'm
Gladys Dunn." He
replied, "You and me both!" The
bishop's visit A
bishop was visiting a small church in his diocese. He
wanted the young people to understand what he had to say
about the Good Shepherd, so he dressed up in his bishop's
long, flowing robes and carried his crook. “Now,”
beamed the bishop, “do you know who I am?”
After a moment's silence one child ventured “Little
Bo Peep?” Tactful There
was once a minister who was determined that things should
be done properly during each service, yet he had a great
gift for being gentle and tactful. The
congregation often read the 23rd Psalm together. One
Sunday before they started, he said smilingly: “Oh,
may I ask the lady who always arrives at the still waters
while the rest of us are in the green pastures, to wait
for us this time?” Great
expectations At
a baptism the young minister was full of enthusiasm.
He held the baby in his arms and speculated aloud as to
the child's possible future. “He may become a
captain of industry, a great scientist, or a gifted
teacher – someone on whom hundreds of young boys may
model themselves.” Then turning to the parents
in a rather grand manner, he asked, “And so what
name to you give to this child?” Timidly,
the reply came: “Amanda Jane.” Crossing A
policeman on a busy street was approached by an elderly
lady with poor sight, who asked if he would see her
across the road. He said, “There's a zebra
crossing just up the road.” “Oh well,”
said the lady, “I hope he's having better luck than
I am!” PRAYERS
– as heard by children – remembered as adults! Richard:
When I was a child, I learned this prayer as "Our
Father, who are in Heaven, Howard be thy name." I
always thought that was God's real name. Lisa:
My mother spent her early childhood saying, "Hail
Mary, full of grapes." Alison:
My son, who is in nursery school, said, "Our Father,
who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?" John:
I remember thinking this prayer was "Give us this
day our jelly bread." Pauline:
When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain
prayer was "He suffered under a bunch of violets."
The real words were "under Pontius Pilate," but
at that age, he didn't know better. Carol:
When I was a little girl, we sang a song in Sunday school
about Noah. Part of the chorus was "And the
rains came down, and the floods came up." We lived
next door to a couple of charming little girls who always
sang this song while playing in their garden. Their
words were, "And the rains came down, and the spuds
came up." Tina:
When I was younger, I believed the line was "Lead a
snot into temptation." I thought I was praying
for my little sister to get into trouble. Susan:
When my older brother was very young, he always walked up
to the church altar with my mother when she took
communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm
and asked, "What does the priest say when he gives
you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear.
Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that
the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet until you get to
your seat." |