Smile Lines On new
curates... Whispers Don’t
go far! The
curate went to the bank and asked for a statement of his
account, adding: “We want to know how far afield we
can go for our holiday.” Handing him his statement
the cashier enquired very gently: “Have you got a
field at the back of your garden, sir?” Staying
power Hospital
patients’ comment about the new curate: “He can
stay longer in an hour than most people do in a week.” Nearly
omnipotent The
curate was giving his young daughter a cuddle before she
went to bed. As he picked her up and hugged her tight,
she said: “Daddy, you’re so strong! I really
think you’ll be God one day!” Slow With
holidays in mind... Don’t
know nothin’ When Sky
fright An
airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon
bumping around in the sky. One very nervous lady happened
to be sitting next to a clergyman and turned to him for
comfort. “Can’t you do something?” she
demanded forcefully. “I’m sorry ma’am,”
said the minister gently. “I’m in sales, not
management.” Sky at
night The
scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn
are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. Hole
for one A golfing
priest, after having been beaten by an elderly
parishioner, returned to the clubhouse somewhat depressed.
“Cheer up,” said the layman. Remember, you’ll
eventually be burying me some day.” “Yes,”
said the priest. “But even then it will be your hole!” When
children write to their minister... “Dear
Vicar... - I know
God loves everybody but then He never met my sister.
Yours sincerely,
- I liked
your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph, Age 11
about
it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9. - Who
does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely,
Christopher. Age 9. Power
in the Word... An
elderly woman had just returned to her home from an
evening of religious service when she was startled by an
intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her
home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop - Acts The
burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly
called the police and explained what she had done. As the
officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the
burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All she did
was yell a scripture verse to you." "Scripture?"
replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and
two 38's!” Signs
found outside churches... -
It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of
sin. -
If you don't like the way you were born, try being born
again. -
Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain
eternal fire insurance soon. -
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