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St. James the Least of All
Happily, the Church of England still retains some singular parish clergy. Take the parish of St James-the-Least in the county of C- for example. Here the elderly Anglo-Catholic vicar, Eustace, continues his correspondence to Darren, his nephew, a low-church curate recently ordained…
Letter from St James the Least of All – On what clergy should wear on their feet
The Rectory St. James the Least
My dear Nephew Darren
Thank you for sending me the photograph of you having your face painted at your parish's ‘Fun Day’ - although I can't help feeling that to label an event ‘fun’ is the most effective way of draining it of all amusement whatsoever. Why on earth can't parishes continue with the traditional title of ‘Crowning of the Rose Queen and Fete’, equally traditionally grimly enjoyed to the accompaniment of thunder and torrential rain.
However, the one thing that caused me the greatest concern in your photo was the fact that you were wearing sandals. Sandals are only worn by Franciscan monks (without socks) and holidaymakers on Blackpool promenade (regrettably, generally with socks). I know that you will argue that Jesus wore sandals. This was mainly because reliable pairs of brogues had yet to be invented, but also because he lived in a hot, dry country. We live in a cold, wet one, and I know that your dear departed mother, my beloved sister, would not want to think that you were risking catching a chill.
The only appropriate colour for footwear for a parish priest is black and the only appropriate material is leather - although I will concede that can create difficulties. Wet leather shoes and polished marble sanctuary floors are not an ideal coupling; in fact it is a potentially lethal combination.
I well remember as a curate when old Canon Griffith entered the Sanctuary, having just got drenched coming from the Rectory. His feet moved across the marble floor some miles per hour faster than the rest of his body. His graceful pirouette would have made a member of the Royal Ballet proud. Had he landed face down, the congregation may have assumed he was reverently prostrating himself before the altar. But laying in a supine position, staring in a dazed state at the rafters, only conveyed to those members of the congregation who had not seen the reason, a feeling of inappropriate indolence when he should be at work.
However, do not take the alternative of wearing crepe soles. I suspect your present church will be fully carpeted - it seems to go with your sort of theology - and there will be no problem. But crepe soles and any sort of polished stone floor are a truly disastrous mixture. The slightest movement will make it sound as if you are being followed by a swarm of demented frogs - and your final procession down the nave will probably drown out the combined efforts of choir and congregation singing ‘Jerusalem’ fortissimo.
Black footwear should also be the choice of those who hold any office within the church, but my advice on that point must wait until my next letter. In the meantime, dear boy, do buy a stout pair of black brogues.
Your loving uncle, Eustace
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