News from St Petrifieds Absolution
on the Internet Greetings
once more from St Petrifieds. It seems that everywhere
one goes and everything one does these days revolves
around one subject. On television, in newspapers, even in
the Snare and Ferret, the only topic of conversation
seems to be 'The Internet'. Everyone
speaks so knowledgeably about Broadband, Service
Providers, Spam, Modems and various other mystifying
subjects that I feel completely left out. Don't
get me wrong, I am not a Luddite. I have willingly
embraced modern technology and am well versed in the
operation of many modern devices. I can drive a car,
operate the toaster, switch on the television and, with
the help of my neighbours' six year old, can even use a
video recorder (although only in playback mode I admit).
Yes, I can safely say that technology and I are
comfortable bedfellows, but this Internet thing is beyond
me. The
only things I know about computers is that they are very
heavy to carry upstairs and they keep getting my gas bill
wrong. Rev Keen, however, is an absolute whiz when it
comes to these matters; so when he announced that he was
intending to run an 'Internet for the Terminally Stupid'
course, I willingly signed up. The
following Wednesday, I joined the major, Miss Prim and
several other Internet illiterates in the church hall for
the first lesson: 'All About Spam'. I was looking forward
to this, as I am particularly fond of Spam Fritters,
especially with chips and beans. Perhaps the curate has
some new recipes, I thought, but was disappointed to find
that Spam is just a term for junk email. However the
evening was jolly interesting, even though I hadn't a
clue what the curate was talking about. At the
end of the evening Rev Keen excitedly informed us that he
had set up an Over
the next few days, the curate busied himself getting on-line
(notice how I'm starting to use the jargon). After the
following week's lesson, 'Broadband for Narrow Minds', he
informed us that the web-site was up and running. After a
quiet start, the site was starting to get busy and he had
been up until As the
days went by the site remained busy and Rev Keen spent
many long hours at the computer. However at Apparently
people had discovered that large sums of money had been
taken from their bank accounts by the web-site instead of
the small donations intended. It transpired that the
police had been watching Rev Byte for several months
after suspecting him of involvement in several similar
enterprises and had intended to arrest him. Unfortunately
he seemed to have fled the country, leaving Rev Keen
holding the baby. The curate pleaded his innocence of
course, but with his previous record, the chances of the
police believing him are very slim, and it may require
another intervention from the bishop to get the charges
dropped. Unfortunately the Internet classes have now
ceased but I now have sufficient knowledge to hold my own
in any Internet debate at the Snare & Ferret. This is
all the information I need, as I have no intentions of
ever buying a computer. |